hejhej, i have never done somthing like this before. i dont even know in what language I shall type. but this will be good practise for me if I write in english. soo, can I type about everything thats on my mind or.. eh, I will do that anyway. as you might notice I am a quite unserten person. I try to be talkative but I dont know what to say in larger groups.
maybe it´s the fruit off bulling, but if thats the case I just want to talk more and try more. I wish I could be a sucsess in life and laugh at those ***. well, that is not the reason why I found this page. the reason is that I am alone again. I am sitting alone in this big house in the middle of the woods and I dont want to be alone becuase I know that if I am alone I will cry and stay up late being afraid and maybe have a panic attack. I am tierd to be alone and I want my family to come back home to me. the reason why i am alone Im not sure of but the facts are: my mother lives with another man somewere else and she is sick. she has developed allergi against a substans in her own body. she has been sick for a year now. Ican not live with her becuase I have a dog and she has developed an allergi against him too. my sister got tierd at something, dont know if it was me or the situation at home, but she has moved into town. now, my father… he is not at home… my father is suppose to live with me here but I rarely see him. he has job(sometimes in another city far away), sailing and his new girlfriend. this weedend its sailing.
Im gonna be alone for three long dark and cold nights. too long nights. this might not seem like such a depressing thing but three years earlier I was the youngest in a happy family containing my mother, my father, my older sister and my precious dog. all my life this has been the center of my life, my frame, my base. my life outside my family was a living hell. the bulling I was in was the worsed off all bulling. everybody around me was igroring me. a six year old girl being ignord for over seven years is hard. I didnt think that I …sorry, its difficult to talk about. I didnt think that i existed. no body should go thru what I did. my family was the only thing is this world that gave me a feeling of meaning, they made me feel. they where always there for me. I miss them. I miss my family. Im not used to be alone. when Im alone like this..it make me terrified. the only thing in my life that I know wouldnt let me down and will always be there for me is my dog. he is my life, without him I do not think that I would make it throuh the last two years.
maybe you think ” why not your friends? you must hace a friend at least?” well, I do. I have some of the best friends in the world and I am no longer ignored, but my personality is as following; I DO NOT LIKE TO BOTHER OTHERS! otherwise I wouldnt write on this page. this is something I havent told anybody. it feels weird to read this thru.
ha, my face must look terrible, this is stuff I never want anybody to find out, but yet I must tell some one. and this is just a brif introduction. well, I´ll try make some food for me now, hope you are smileing and are feeling the warm sunshine on your face.I´ll try to be more positive next time, but that depends on how I feel. kramkram!
This post was submitted by ferryman.
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